I don't remember,,,

I don't exactly remember when in the spring of 1985 that I learned that Tony was getting out of the Army. He had back problems which I remember being something about a minor birth defect something about a lower form of spina bifida which is how he got out of the Army. When he came home, he was in a really good place, I think with the money he wasn't use to having allowed him to buy some clothes. What I remember was his jean jacket and his jeans that matched.

Here's a pic of something similar.

Believe it or not, there was a time when I was thinner and could actually wear your Dad's jeans and jean jacket. I wore that jacket until it fell apart, I wrote on it with black permanent marker,  all sorts of stuff, the lining came out.  Here's a pic that's a little bit like the jeans. They pockets snapped up or down and were different colors like the jacket. I could wear them too.

The challenge was for him to figure out what to do next. I believe he might have lived with his buddy J (maybe this was before he left for the Army) for a while and he worked at Mosquito Control. I remember him saying that some of the guys would walk into the convenience stores and fill their waders with food. I don't  know if your Dad stole or not. I do know that he was just living a very subsistence life, his biggest concern was getting enough to eat and it's hard when you're bouncing around quite a bit.

Christmas break 1984

Remember, my memory is crappy but I'll tell you what I do remember. He was coming home for Christmas, and I met his mom and sister (for the very first time) at the local mall in my town. His sister was 11, I think and I was 15. We went to pick him up but I don't remember if it was at the airport, bus or train station. I probably don't remember because those details weren't important to me. What was important is that I got to see him as soon as I could. On the way home, his mom drove and his sister was in the front seat while we were in the back. He looked very different because that's what basic training does, puts you in the best shape of your life. He had a washboard stomach and very short hair, looked very good.  His mom wanted to stop off at the local bar to buy him a beer. I think she was very proud of him. We snuggled in the back seat all the way home. I don't remember how long he was back, my guess a couple of 2 or 3 weeks. I don't know if we went "up north" to spend Christmas with Grandpa and Grandma or if that came later. He gave me my first promise ring for Christmas. I knitted him a scarf that was a steel gray-blue. It didn't look so good at the beginning of it but got better as it went on. The other thing I really remember it that I was so sick when he left that I could hardly talk. It was really bad saying goodbye when you can't talk and it's worse crying when you can't speak.

He and I had exchanged letters while he was gone. He looked very good and I think the army was very good for him. I sometimes wonder if things would have been better for him if he had stayed in.

When I first met him...

I hardly remember this anymore...I was 15 and my best friend from high school (DA) was dating (JG) and Tony was a friend of J's. I don't remember exactly how we realized we were interested in each other but pretty quickly when we realized that, whenever we could, we spent time together. I'm not sure if I knew the living situation for him at the time. I believe he was in a foster home in the same town that J lived in (I'm trying to keep identifying information out of this). He would have been 6 months past 18. I believe his foster home let him live there as long as he needed to get on his feet. His plan was to join the army through the delayed entry program and he did leave pretty quickly after we met, I'm guessing a month or so. The official date we started dating was 9/20/1984.

  I remember feeling pretty dramatic about his leaving. I'm not sure if I knew that he was going or not. I think I might have known just before he left, he was going to try and get out of it but in the end, he called me from a motel where he was going to be staying before they shipped him to Fort Leonard wood, Missouri or it could be Fort Lee, Virginia. He had basic training at one and then AIT (advanced individual training) at the other. He was able to come home between the training for Christmas break.

first post and what this is about

When my Dad died almost 7 years ago, I had a tough time so I wrote about my Dad a lot. I think it helped...looking back to think about all the really great times with my Dad and how important he was to me. The legacy he left me in who I've become.

Now that my son's Dad has died, I'm back to the writing board. I'm back to help work through my grief and to think about the memories of my ex-husband, the father of our son and our time together.

I met Tony when I was 15, it's incredible to think back to that time when I thought I was so smart and had it all together. We had good times and hard times but I knew him for nearly 30 years and now he's gone and that's really hard for me to comprehend sometimes.

I'm also writing this for my son, because I often thought of Tony as my memory too (he was SO good at remembering things that slipped my mind) now I'm one of the closest to the memories for my son of his Dad. I remember the stories and can share them because his Dad cannot.